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NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 05 May 2004 01:26:44 -0500
Reply-To: "pedro martori"
From: "pedro martori"
Subject: My fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed.
Date: Wed, 5 May 2004 02:26:53 -0400
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If General George Patton were alive and President of the USA. This would =
be his Fireside Speech:
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. Since =
congress does not want to spend any more=20
money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American =
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete=20
within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries =
which have stood by our side during the Iraq=20
conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, =
Australia, Norway and Poland are some of the=20
countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the =
world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be =
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those =
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and=20
indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty =
much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world =
hell-holes and watch those government=20
leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the =
future, together with Congress, I will work=20
to cut taxes and solve some local problems. On that note, a word to =
Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your =
friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting=20
for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. You, boys. Work out a peace =
deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed.=20
Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great =
palaces there. Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, =
Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your=20
help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN =
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan=20
with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be =
stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care=20
about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or =
watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and=20
limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I =
love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going =
to be seeing a lot more of each other, you=20
folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also =
on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt=20
government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra =
tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess=20
where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something =
with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United=20
States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty--starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying darn =
tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live=20
a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of =
just about everyone on the planet. It is time=20
to cut taxes here because we will not be spending on other peoples =
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you. To =
the nations on ist 2, a final thought. Drop dead.=20
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
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