From: "Pedro Martori"
Date: Sun, 20 Oct 2002 12:28:25 -0400
NNTP-Posting-Date: Sun, 20 Oct 2002 12:28:02 EDT
Organization: Bell Sympatico
FBI, CIA, DEA, NSA, CESID,CSIS, M15, BND....INTERPOL
... that the sniper might really be Qaeda decoy
" ricardo a. gonzalez"
The SoufflĂ© Doctrine..By MAUREEN DOWD
Fecha: Sunday, October 20, 2002 10:04 AM
October 20, 2002
The SoufflĂ© Doctrine..By MAUREEN DOWD
WASHINGTON - The Boy Emperor picked up the morning paper and,
dropped his Juicy Juice box with the little straw attached.
"Oh, man," he wailed. "North Korea's got nukes. Sheriff Musharraf
helping them. Al Qaeda's blowing stuff up again. The Pentagon's
that the sniper might really be Qaeda decoy teams trying to
distract the law
while they plan a bio-blitzkrieg or a dirty bomb attack on the
Tenet's broken out in hives about the next 9/11. Powell spends
all his time
kissing up to the Frenchies. Saddam's ranting about a river of
blood. Jebbie's in a world of hurt. The economy's cratering. At
says our war strategy will open up a can of Election Day whoop on
"This is not the way my new doctrine was supposed to work. We are
to decide who we pre-empt and when we pre-empt them. The
called it an Axis of Evil, but it was really just a Spoke of
Evil. Condi and
Rummy said once we finished off Saddam, nobody would mess with
again. But everything's gotten fuzzier than fuzzy math. Some
actually talking about my doctrine leading to World War III!!!
that would be bad."
The Boy Emperor was starting to feel bamboozled by his war
tutors. He needed
a fresh perspective. There was a guy on TV with a round face and
running around Provence, London and Berlin, where he suggested
resign. He was pre-eminent on pre-emption. The Boy summoned him
the Bush doctrine.
"Do I know you?" he asked his visitor.
"I am the chairman of your Defense Policy Board," an amused
replied. "I am an adviser to Rumsfeld, a friend of Wolfowitz's
and a thorn
in Powell's medals. Je suis un gourmand, Monsieur le President. I
always dreamed of opening a chain of fast-food soufflĂ© shops
based on a
machine that would automatically separate eggs, beat the yolks
them with hot milk and sugar, add the desired flavorings, whip
until stiff, fold them into the mixture and bake in individual
human intervention. Then conveyor belts would bring the
to the table and patrons would get to see their meals rise. I've
investors smart enough to realize the dazzling ingenuity of the
SoufflĂ© Doctrine. Meanwhile, I'm killing time trying to get your
policy to rise. I'm known as the Prince of Darkness."
"I persuaded Reagan to ignore the weak-kneed, striped-pants set
at the State
Department and buy every weapon in sight until the Evil Empire
stiffer than a perfectly executed meringue."
"But why are we going after a lunatic in Iraq for planning to
make a bomb
and not a lunatic in North Korea who already has bombs?" the Boy
"At the end of the day," Perle replied, his voice dripping with
his student, "Iraq is an easy kill."
"But if North Korea can deter us by brandishing a nuclear
weapon," the Boy
pressed, "why can't we deter Saddam by brandishing a nuclear
"You must puncture the soufflĂ© before it rises," Perle
"Why are we mad at North Korea for flouting its international
when we flout our international agreements?" the Boy wondered.
"You cannot make sublime crĂȘpes suzette without a fire," Perle
"Didn't you insist that Saddam and Al Qaeda were linked?" the Boy
"We made that up," Perle shrugged. "You have to be imaginative,
Hepburn was in `Sabrina' when she offered to make Bogie a soufflĂ©
saltines and eggs. As the Baron told Sabrina: `A woman happily in
burns the soufflĂ©. A woman unhappily in love, she forgets to turn
"Huh?" the Boy said. "Tony and Colin told me to stop talking
change' and instead say, `War is a last resort,' and stop talking
`pre-emptive strike' and instead say, `War is not imminent.' "
"They're sissies," Perle said, his lip curling with an epicene
cannot deliver the sashimi unless you use the blade."
The Boy Emperor was more befuddled than ever.
"Get me Condi!" he yelled. "And a peanut butter and jelly
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